Good Talks Sometimes Lead Nowhere

It’s been only a day since we had that ‘really good’ discussion concerning my OCPD Husband’s difficulties with compromising.

We even sat together after breakfast, today, and read from the book:

Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control [Paperback]Jeannette Dewyze (Author), Allan Mallinger (Author).

Wow.  I was really encouraged!!!  Things were definitely looking up.

However, it didn’t take long for DH to be off and running in yet another direction… This one’s called….‘I’m-going-to-shame-you-into-doing-what-I-want-you-to-do, when-I-want-you-to-do-it.

I had some things that I wanted to do today and after a walk with a girlfriend and doing a few other minor things around the house, I had just settled in to do my work (I’m a private tutor grades K-6).  My DH came in and asked if I’d like to go to Home Depot with him to check out tile for the bathroom floor; a project he will be starting in about 7 weeks.  I said I’d love to but I just started the things I wanted to get done for today and that I was going out later.

He went into a snit, saying, ‘I guess you have your priorities’.  He let me know that it wasn’t okay with him that I didn’t choose to go with him.  I calmly said that there were many times when I couldn’t get him out of the garage to go on a hike or bike ride with me, which he then denied.

It seems to me that I can see the manipulation a little more clearly now.  Instead of getting angry, I tell myself that I have to right to my own preferences; I’m not trying to purposely hurt him ; and that he is attempting to shame me into compliance.  I always knew that the person who would need to change was me, but I never realized how empowering it would feel.

When I came home from my errands, DH had me come downstairs to see how he had cleaned the shower tiles.  My daughter is coming to visit in 2 weeks, and my DH said that after she leaves I will have to spend 2 hours cleaning the shower.

I laughed and said, ‘I’m not going to do that!’  He looked a little stunned.  He said, alright but you need to clean them and do your part… maybe for an hour or half hour.  This was simply ‘Tit-for-Tat’.

<Heavy sigh>  I thought we were on a ‘journey’ of sorts… and here is a road block, so soon.

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