It’s been only a day since we had that ‘really good’ discussion concerning my OCPD Husband’s difficulties with compromising.
We even sat together after breakfast, today, and read from the book:
Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control [Paperback]Jeannette Dewyze (Author), Allan Mallinger (Author).
Wow. I was really encouraged!!! Things were definitely looking up.
However, it didn’t take long for DH to be off and running in yet another direction… This one’s called….‘I’m-going-to-shame-you-into-doing-what-I-want-you-to-do, when-I-want-you-to-do-it.
I had some things that I wanted to do today and after a walk with a girlfriend and doing a few other minor things around the house, I had just settled in to do my work (I’m a private tutor grades K-6). My DH came in and asked if I’d like to go to Home Depot with him to check out tile for the bathroom floor; a project he will be starting in about 7 weeks. I said I’d love to but I just started the things I wanted to get done for today and that I was going out later.
He went into a snit, saying, ‘I guess you have your priorities’. He let me know that it wasn’t okay with him that I didn’t choose to go with him. I calmly said that there were many times when I couldn’t get him out of the garage to go on a hike or bike ride with me, which he then denied.
It seems to me that I can see the manipulation a little more clearly now. Instead of getting angry, I tell myself that I have to right to my own preferences; I’m not trying to purposely hurt him ; and that he is attempting to shame me into compliance. I always knew that the person who would need to change was me, but I never realized how empowering it would feel.
When I came home from my errands, DH had me come downstairs to see how he had cleaned the shower tiles. My daughter is coming to visit in 2 weeks, and my DH said that after she leaves I will have to spend 2 hours cleaning the shower.
I laughed and said, ‘I’m not going to do that!’ He looked a little stunned. He said, alright but you need to clean them and do your part… maybe for an hour or half hour. This was simply ‘Tit-for-Tat’.
<Heavy sigh> I thought we were on a ‘journey’ of sorts… and here is a road block, so soon.